Viciously Gay

I am being facetious because gay holds two meanings.

Anyway, it's been a brilliant year so far! I have been knifed by bogus insurance schemes twice or more, spat back their shit, and made them grovel in their own splattering bloody lies. I also discovered that my family is a mad lot, and I love them all. XOXOX

It is a year of contrasts. I moved to greener pastures that really is greener than the previous one. I am flourishing beautifully in my new location. Creativity is celebrated rather than stifled, the staff are accepting and considerate, but most importantly, they are MAD. Mad through and through, because normality is a disease of the hypocrites.

After I have spent last year guzzling up Archer S4, I don't think there are more series out there that can come close to its comedic timing or even match its inappropriateness.

I was wrong.

Introducing Vicious. When you click on the link, it will redirect you to the itv player where you may watch it for free. You may need to register and the whole bunch...

I heard it when Sir McKellen made an appearance in Loose Women and he mentioned about this new series he had been shooting with his close friend, Sir Jacobi. "Originally it was called Vicious Old Queens..." and that intrigued me to no end.

I finally watched it in May and it became a cure to my blues. I had hoped that there were more, but there are only six episodes. However, there has been a confirmation about a Christmas special tweeted about, and that would be enough. NOT.

I don't give a damn about critics who panned this little series, and I won't even start with those who claim this series does nothing but crank out horrible gay stereotypes like horridly stinking secret meat sausages. It may not have the most original script, neither does it break any new territory, but the laughter it brings is all that counts for me. Which is saying a lot because I am not even British.

By the way, the laughter heard in the series are genuine. You cannot record hesitant laughing (I think) or honest-to-goodness audience laughing their heads off. The series are recorded in front of a live audience.

Nothing ground-breaking here, except for
two men living together, expressing
their love for each other in a way only
they understand.

I Am Alive 08: Let There Be Light

Mei didn't eat the meat they offered, and neither did I. We took rat instead. I followed the blood trail and found myself facing off two men, wielding machetes. Trouble was, they weren't your usual idiots. These had two men and a woman imprisoned behind a padlocked gate, and chainsaws and ribs that suspiciously looked anatomically correct. For humans.

I hoped Mei had closed her eyes, because I didn't spare any pity on them.

***

We now are standing literally on the edge of the chasm that used to be the location of the subway lines. One train seems magically lies across the chasm. I say magically because when the Event hit, it must've been in the middle of its run. Whatever caused the chasm must've impacted on the train as well, and here it lies hanging, becoming some kind of a death trap version of suspension bridge.

Told Mei to close her eyes as we are not going directly into that train. I spy, from our vantage lookout point, a lot of items glittering down there. Yup, all the way down. Several handholds later, we are at the lowest point of the crater. I say lowest, but the crater still seems to keep on going down, without end.

Mei doesn't like this, me getting to dangerous places to just get items, but these are essential if we want to have the best chances of survival. Several times she screamed as I either leaped too fast or caught a handhold too slow. "I told you not to open your eyes yet!" I said.

She just whimpered.

The same thing happens now, as we enter the train. It's now a long vertical tube, so I need to go down slowly in order not to fall straight down. Mei screams again, and I scold her again. But here we are, safely on firm ground.

"But we are going into the dark again," Mei observes when I said my thoughts aloud.

No shit, Sherlock, I think, but not without humour.

Within the swirling foggy darkness, I think I see a figure running in the distance. But as I wait, I can hear no footsteps. It might've been an illusion. Oh well.

To our right is an open door. To our left, a padlocked gate. I shoot the padlock, collect several items including a battery. Luckily it's a small one, the kind you'd find in a motorcycle. It may come handy.

To the right door. There is a small enclosure, locked now, but within is a first aid kit. A generator sits beside it, its fuel not full but enough. But it won't start. This is where the battery comes in. When I put it in, the whole area lights up.

I love lights. Wish I could bring this along, but it'll be heavy. Some more items within this room and beyond. I have to bow down to get past the hurdles and notices a lot of rotted food and aluminium cabinets. Was this a break room? Who knows. Time to get moving.

Only a few feet inside and we encounter bodies lying motionless. Like in bad zombie movies, three suddenly stand up and move toward us. I am taken by surprise at first - should I shoot in the head? Should we run? - but then one of them starts talking.

"It's your lucky day!"

We'll see who's lucky today, punk. And we'll see who's begging to get killed later on.

***

When I asked Mei about Henry, she inadvertently described her mother as well. Henry was hurt and her mom helped him. I presume her to be a nurse. She must've gone through hell during and after the Event.

We met four idiots, I despatched them all in the usual manner, and walked on. Found several items, and a woman who somehow is trapped behind strong bars. She needs two cans of foodstuff, but I have none at the moment. We walk on, her voice fading as we turn at a corner. 

As we run up a flight of stairs, the air becomes a bit easier to breathe, fresher, for the lack of a better word. None of the wet smell I associate with sewers, that kind of fresh. We come to a door that leads into an underground parking. The beam marker says '21'. I hope that's not the level we are in right now

I scrounge the area for any items, and find a can of fruit cocktail. It's better than meat, I tell ya. It goes straight down and the syrup gives high energy to me.

Okay, there's the door. Let's see where it will lead us.

***

Darn kid. Mei is jumping and singing again. Obviously she's at home. Or where she's familiar enough to feel safe. Safe enough to be singing, I guess.

The radio buzzes. It's Henry, telling me to get my stuff and leave, because I am 'an honourable man'. I want to ask his location, because Mei will be alone here. Will she be all right if she's alone, even if she feels safe?

Henry's apartment is a sight for sore eyes. Somehow feels warm and safe. After days walking in foggy weather and air, the room looks like a meadow of daffodils. It also has light. Beautiful light, and Mei is playing with her doll. 

"Well, there is something you can get for us," Henry says through the crackly static. "A radio transmitter."

This isn't a game. I am not a knight in shining armour and Henry did not just give me a quest. I feel rage. "Why can't you get it yourself?" Tight control is almost broken. Nearly screamed at a radio.

The reply comes not from the radio, but from behind me.

"Because," Henry rolls in, on a wheelchair, "I cannot."

Goddammit.

I Am Alive 07: Into the Darkness

After descending into the dust again, I climb up to where the trams used to run. No risk of electrocution here; the power died a long time ago. As I reach a wide gap between the tracks, I hear a faint voice calling for help. I would help, but Mei's health may be in jeopardy the slower I get to her. Scratch that voice; Mei is important for now.

Using my grapple hook, I swing across safely. I don't go down because that'll be the death of me. Dust keeps coming into my airway, choking me faster than a drop of dew drying under the hot sun. Another long gap at the end of the tracks as I expected, and I swing over.

I climb up toward the mall entrance into a spot I did not notice before I went down earlier, and a man appears with a machete. He's threatening, but that's all. I back away and jump down to the next spot where four idiots come out, wielding machetes and a gun. I have no ammo left, but if I bait the one with the gun to come closer to me, I could catch him by surprise and have myself some ammo to frighten the rest.

***

Mei is still here, and looking better by the minute after I gave her the medicine. The little girl actually sings to herself. Wonders of the young...

Henry calls again, telling me we should move. Downstairs we'll find a way into the subway. If we keep following Line 4, we'll be able to meet him eventually. Sounds like a good idea. I strap Mei behind me and we set off downstairs. 

As we pass the empty elevator shaft, I hear that coughing sound again. Sounds even worse this time. Maybe all the person needs is a little help.

Mei asks me, as we descend to third floor to see the coughing person, if I had a child. "About your age," I say, as I land on the flat surface. "What's her name?" 

"Mary," I said, then quickly ask the old gentleman lying on a mattress. "You okay sir?"

Turns out he is asthmatic, and in need of an inhaler. I remember picking one up, and gave it to him. One shoot and he's better, or so he claims. He is the last member of a bunch of friends who came in here, and one by one his friends had gone out, but none returned. He seems to surrender his fate, and tells me to be careful if I am going to the subway.

In front of the shaft there is a padlocked store. Fortunately I have a bullet left. Shoot the padlock and inside I find quite a few useful things, especially a first aid kit. Nothing left to do but to go down into the subway.

***

Beside the escalator I find a bullet. That'll come useful. 

Mei's still strapped onto my back as we make our way deeper into the subway. We just arrived at the first landing when four idiots come forward. "I'm just bringing a child to a safe location," I plead, palms outward. I hear Mei moan faintly behind me. 

"Yeah, we got hungry children too," said the leader with a head covering. Under here? I doubt that very much. But the idiot head just pushes me twice as I draw him further from his men. Before his hand lands on me for the third time, my machete flies in an arc and catches his neck and the vital arteries there. He collapses, throwing the rest of his friends in a panic. 

One quickly takes out his gun but I am ready; I point my gun at him and whispered please do not miss. One on the chest. He falls down, lifeless, and with my gun pointing at the other two, quickly collect the fallen bullets.

But the last two are tough. They both try to fight me, probably trying to get my resources. Mei screams as their machete fall dangerously close to her as one of them try to hit me from behind. Dammit, I need to work fast, and decided to quickly kick one into the fire, and threaten the other into submission. 

Seeing his friend writhing and screaming in agony as the fire burns him makes a very good motivation to surrender. We leave the idiots and walk further down. 

I hear a woman and two men. The men seems to have found something, but I'm only interested in getting to Henry. As I walk closer, the men begin to raise their voices. It's not long before the two begins fighting. The woman asks for help, but the other guy takes out his machete. He looks ready to strike at the other man. I have three bullets. Should I waste it on a man who has a slip of judgment? Or just let whatever happen, happens?

***

Threatening, if done correctly, can subdue people properly, without the need for bloodshed. I point my gun at the man, and he slowly surrenders. I strike him on the neck for a good measure. Just enough for him to sleep on it.

Going further down, we come across two people sitting and eating. Eating meat. As I approach them, they offer the meat not to me, but to Mei because she looks hungry. Looking closer, I begin to have doubts. 

As far as I can recall, I never saw any animals running about, scurrying away in the darkness or out in the open. Trying to push away dark and disturbing explanations, I decide to have a short walk. A flight of stairs is on our left, so we walk that way, finding a bottle of water and bullets. 

I still have that nagging, frightening thought riding upon me (no offense, Mei) like a lead weight. In the air, there is a certain smell. Hanging there, unwashed, stuck. Not filth. I play my flashlight upon the wall and it catches something red and sticky long since dried. More on the floor, and like grotesque breadcrumbs, the trail leads away from these men.

"What happened here?" I whisper to no one in particular. "Mei," I say to her, "close your eyes and stay very, very quiet."

I feel her nod against my back. I ready myself with either my machete or my gun. This can get ugly very, very fast.

Next Chapter